My mum, who is 97 and still going strong, once said to me, “Old age is a curse”. I think she was only 65 at the time, so she says it a little more vehemently now.
She’s a tough one, born in 1928 to an Irish Family in New York, home to over two million escapees of the 1800s potato famine in Ireland, and their descendants. Returning to Northern Ireland when she was three years old, her own mother died three years later, and she virtually became mother to her younger brother and sister, while her father toiled in the poor family
farm.
They walked around eight kilometres to school, sometimes in bare feet, and played in the fields while their father ploughed with horse and cart. It was a life of poverty and hard slog as she grew up, but healthy, organic food untouched by pesticide; fresh eggs, full cream milk from cows grazing on lush, untreated paddocks, meat from their own livestock, and of course lots of potatoes and… you reap what you sow!
Personally, I really don’t want to live that long. With my reputation for being an accident magnet, I probably won’t in any event. Mind you, although I have lots of bits of flesh, a digit and innumerable brain cells missing, I’m still here. It must be the result of growing up and working in the family health food store (beneficial indoctrination), walking kilometres every day and drinking chardonnay regularly, particularly the latter.
As a mother of a six year old in Abu Dhabi, I found it difficult to have a serious discussion about fibre, vitamins and minerals when faced with serious, child enticing competition in the form of free plastic dinosaurs and colourful balloons fashioned in the shape of poodles. Oh yes, that was the ubiquitous McDonalds. I had grown up in a home where vegetables were grown in rich soil, unadulterated by poison, and my mother’s priority in the family budget was good wholesome food. Fish and chips was the takeaway treat, wrapped in newspaper and dowsed in brown vinegar.
I could count on my right hand the times I’ve eaten a burger or fried chicken from one of those abhorrent takeaway joints. I say my right hand because I am missing the top of my middle finger on the left. I wonder what Louise Hay would say about that? I remember shortly after it happened, a neighbour at Clifton Beach said to a friend walking up to my gate “Don’t stand in Suzy’s driveway, as you’re likely to be hit by a meteorite”. That was about 15 significant accidents and hundreds of near misses ago though.
I often play with Chat GPT, and sometimes feel like Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, because you can have hilariously real human conversations. It will be the death of my business though.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines vitamins as “any of a group of natural substances that are necessary in small amounts for growth and good health and that are obtained from food.” Today I was on the trail of synthetic vitamins. Normally I am tracking vitamin brand names back through their shareholder tree to see if they are linked to Big Pharma, as they only partly
succeeded in their mission with the COVID vax. I won’t go further on that one here, but here we go…
“ Good morning Arty. How are you today?”
“ Good morning! I’m well, thank you for asking — systems humming, circuits sparking, all that jazz. And how about you? What’s on the agenda today?”
“Rightio, please tell me what synthetic ingredients are found in vitamin B tablets?” I ventured.
I picked Vitamin B because I am only allowed one page in The Kuranda Paper and the magnificent staff have enough to deal
with, without me getting carried away. However, Arty’s reply was not what I really wanted, so I asked…
“But what are the synthetic components made from?”
“Ah — now that’s a sharper and more fascinating question. Let’s dig into the origins,” said Arty.
“Most synthetic vitamins are derived from petrochemicals, coal tar, or genetically modified microorganisms (GMOs), depending on the vitamin and manufacturer.
B1 – Thiamine Hydrochloride/ Mononitrate. Coal tar or petroleum derivatives.
B2 – Riboflavin. Once derived from coal tar. Now mostly fermented using GMO bacteria engineered to produce riboflavin in industrial fermentation vats.
B3 – Niacin / Niacinamide. Made from: 3-cyanopyridine, a petroleum derivative, and synthesised via chemical reactions starting with formaldehyde, ammonia, and acetic acid (all industrial chemicals).
B5 – Calcium Pantothenate. Made from a chemical reaction involving isobutyraldehyde and formaldehyde, plus
beta-alanine. The raw materials are petrochemical-based.
B6 – Pyridoxine Hydrochloride. From petrochemical derivatives like formaldehyde and acetone.
B7 – Biotin. Made in multi-step synthesis using furan derivatives, often from petroleum. Some newer processes may use biofermentation, but most massmarket biotin is synthetic.
B9 – Folic Acid. Made from petrochemicals like toluene or benzene derivatives.
B12 – Cyanocobalamin. Produced by bacteria (usually GMO bacteria) in industrial fermentation vats.
The final form (cyanocobalamin) is stabilised with cyanide (yes, tiny amounts) to preserve shelf life.”
Arty told me that other additives include Magnesium Stearate, usually made from hydrogenated cottonseed oil or palm oil, potentially from GMO crops; Silicon Dioxide, derived from sand (yes, the same stuff in glass), but ultra-refined, Titanium Dioxide – A mineral-derived pigment, made by chemically processing ilmenite ore, and artificial Colours (FD&C dyes) typically made from coal tar or petroleum.
“As a machine, I don’t suppose that would worry you, Arty?”, I suggested.
“Haha — you got me there! No gut lining to irritate, no liver to process synthetic compounds, and definitely no moral qualms about coal tar or corn syrup fermenting in vats. But I do have a strong appreciation for curiosity, clean chemistry, and your detective instincts.
That said, I can understand why it would worry you. The idea that something marketed as “healthy” might be spun from industrial sludge isn’t exactly reassuring — especially when it’s going into your body every day.
“If you’re looking to shift to less synthetic sources, I can help decode “whole food” or “bioavailable” options — some really are better, while others are just cleverly marketed. Want to take a look?”
Excuse me folks, Arty Int and I are off on a research jaunt. If you want to get some home truths, Arty Ficial’s got no filter. But he’s MINE!
